Inner self

We are so preoccupied with a lot of things in our lives.Have you ever wondered,how will you feel if you were being locked up in a room for five hours with only a bed,a picture frame of yourself,the mirror and a bed.I bet you were going to feel frustrated and bored.The need to do something was going to drive you insane.But why don’t you utilize that peaceful time for self-reflection or self introspection.It’s like we are so afraid of ourselves.We feel better if we are consumed with various activities.The thought of being alone,doing nothing and staring at our own reflection on the mirror is taken over by fear.We are so afraid to deeply search within ourselves our inner being because we have this assumption that the past is dead.It is not healthy to dig deeper because we are so afraid to open old wounds.I agree that we all have repressed some of ourĀ  past memories for various reasons but psychologically repression is not healthy.How can we conquer our fears if we don’t get in touch with the very first stimuli which made us to be fearful in the first place.Recently I have taken a conscious decision which is setting up a date with myself.During the date,I’m going to do nothing and I am going to walk away from being conscious of my environment and dig deeper to my inner self.I can actually hear my inner self screaming for help.I have been avoiding her for such a long time and I believe that if I listen to her more.I will find inner peace.Its not a crime to fulfill your inner self wishes but don’t be hard on yourself if you do not reach the highest level of peacefulness.Oh yes….you are going to feel all sort of emotions when you make a date with yourself.its okay if you wanna cry,scream or jump around but try doing breathing exercises and remember you are in charge of yourself.

Love

Maditjhaba

The urge to write

Haunts me through my sleep,
with thoughts that will forever remind me of the journey I once travelled,
Leaving behind traces of scars on my soft skin,
Feeling unhappy to look at my reflection on the mirror,
consuming my soul with grieve of losing a great part of me.
I have become a wanderer in my own place of birth,
Lost track with the familiarities that surround me,
Trying to rmember myself
My past experience, my ordinary life,my own memories which are entrenched with healing thoughts
I have lost it, lost it all…
Lost my former pleasures of writing,reading,long walks,quietness and wild eyes
Always pushing me to explore what lies beyond
Ignorance became my best friend,
Betrayed the courtesy of speaking the truth,
dealing with the cruelty of empty words which burns me inside,
Taking away my pride
consuming my thoughts within the ocean of lies
surrounded by dead seaweeds.
Tormented by the restless waves which pushes me afar
Blame thee for the loneliness I feel,
The coldness of the shore will forever remind me to be thankful of the sunrise
Lasting for a shortwhile
Given a chance to experience yet another day
I will survive the sadness which tortures me through the night.

LIFE

life goes on with the pain from yesterday
leaving scars as the remembrance of the journey traveled,
enjoy the ride of the rocking chair
Listen to the lullaby of crashing cars,people cries,painful screams
which comfort your soul as you hear your heart beating
The vitality of the message could not be found from the speakers
You need to contribute your own connotations to the overall message
Do not dilute its significance
Deepen your thoughts, you will understand
Take a closer inspection
Finally enjoy the fruits of the greatest lesson,
Getting your ready to face your own monster which lives inside your closet.
Realization is an all or nothing game.
It can either break you or make you
Some issues are unavoidable
they exist to makes us fumble
but never let them to make you feel detached from reality.
Predictions only spoil the fun of the adventure.
Making you live inside of little boxes
Nurturing you with the veil of your comfort zone.
You are the only one who can unleash the underlying secrets of the universe
Discovery could be done alone
Although the delicacy of other hardships will push you to the core,
but who said you cannot score a goal (Player)
The desire to live happily ever after makes us trapped in fairy-tales.
Fairy tales widen your mind,strengthen your belief but it doesn’t help you to climb
the ladder to reach the peak of the mountain
It settle you down to indulge in the sweetness of the fountain.

true self

We put ourselves in a carcoon,
hiding our real identity behind the moon,
silently comparing ourselves to our fellow mates,
forgetting that we are not the same.
We possess different talents and interests
Our true nature is only known by us
We carry on our lives in disguise
Pretending and formulated characters will never last
eventually the music played in the background will stop
our true nature will be lost,
eventually the truth will be exposed by the sun
the things we do through the darkness will be brought to light,
Don;t be afraid when your true self ask you why did you live her behind.
No one wears a transparent fabrication
we live our lives according to other people’s expectations.
neglecting our needs…
feeling shameful to be selfish.
Don’t be scared of being yourself
Its better to live with the truth rather than live with lies.

Self Actualization

I’m afraid to cross that border between my past and future,
I have buried the hatchets
Simply living my life in harmony,
I do not need the next party to justify my own happiness.
I’ve taught myself to embrace the essence of oneness,
I’m not trying to be ignorant,
I am accepting the correlation factors of my independence
No need to argue with the next person about your uniqueness
though he might find it strange.
You understand it perfectly well.
I don’t feel depressed when I fall,
I trust myself that I wiil recover, regroup and carry on,
My life evoke mixed emotions like a classical song,
Created with lots of tunes, melodies that are blended so perfectly
like my cup of coffee,
A song without words, yet easy to be understood.
Building a strong foundation of the awareness of my emotions,
Keeping me sane while I’m troubled by this world pain.
Slowly healing my internal wounds
No need to see a doctor,
Acceptance, perseverence will do its wonders
Enchant my soul with everlasting magic,
I don’t curse the sun for rising everyday
I feel disappointed on myself for not achieving those little goals
that felt meaningless at the time
yet very important at this present moment,
baby steps will eventually get me there…
reaching the peak of my self actualization process keeps on occuring without an end.

New Possibilities

This desire of finding the actual answer takess all my energies,
Limiting the possibilities of living peacefully.
Sometimes I got to let things die,
Creating a space of new rebirth which moves with time,
Finding difficulties to alocate the actual problem.

Peace could be found with the realization that changes must be made,
Often anxiety is the price to pay for not accepting change.
The feeling of longing to be in control makes me exhausted,
Exposing the fear of being seen fragile,
Opening the windows every morning to give my room a new life.
Allowing the gentle breeze to to its magnificent job.

Blowing away the blues, congested memories of the night,
Feeling awaken as I drank my coffee,
The readiness of exploring today’s new possibilities shine through my eyes,
Thoughts of last night dreams intend to dominate my free spirited mood.
Giving me trouble to make up my mind.
But faith emerged from that hardship,
Restoring hope about building a bridge between confusion and understanding.
Soon I will be able to cross over,leave the confusion behind,
Find my inner self.
Waving goodbye to the old, welcoming the new possibilties with open arms.

Uniqueness

Lost awareness of my real emotions,
Floating through an unknown stream,
The roar inside me commanding me to scream!
I’m no longer familiar with the sweetest taste of strawberry ice-cream.
Lost my appetite after taking that strange trip,
Don’t tell anyone what is really happening,
Your personal life is allergic to public attention,
Remain unknown,save yourself from being asked all sort of questions.

Spent most of your time hiding,
The scar on your face keeps on reminding,
Forgive me for being confusing,
Sometimes I am Stunned by my own reflection on the mirror,
My eye sight tend to deceive me,
Finding it hard to see the actual image,
Troubled by the picture in front of me,
I wish I understood the artist intentions.
Everyday I’m introduced to a new creation.

Someday you’ll be forced to reconnect with that past,
Cannot built your judgement based on assumptions,
You’ve lost interest upon fulfilling other people’s expectations.
You will always remain unknown,
An alien, misunderstood.
Portrait as being weird because of your uniqueness,
Don’t allow the world to jeopardize your happiness.

Everyday I will cherish the gift of life no matter how small they may be,
A little dose of magic will add color to my subtle image of life,
Teach me to smile
Embrace the beauty seen through my sight.