I wish I was a bird.

Birds cannot be caged for too long. They need to engage with the outside world for survival purposes. They have wings. Therefore, wings gives them the reason to fly. I know that some of you would argue that some birds don’t fly. It is worth noting that this piece of narration only consider the birds which can only fly. Flying is part of their DNA, they cannot deny the gift they have been given by God. Flying is their unique identity and it is part of their reality. I wish I was a bird. I just want to fly freely through the air, allow the air to fill my lungs, look at the world from above, appreciate the view from the upper glimpse and just get a different view for a change but I guess I cannot be a bird, I am only just a human being. Pulled down by the force of gravity and seeing the world around me from the below angle. Lately; no…..for so long I have been feeling like a caged bird. Locked around steel bars and seeing only what is placed in front of me. I couldn’t see what lies beyond the sun rays lighting up my room during the day, I couldn’t feel the chilly breeze of the late afternoon and I couldn’t see the face of the person who had placed me behind these bars. The only memory I have of him, is his scent which covered the room during feeding hours and the shadow which quickly faded through the walls during the night. I remained blinded for years. Until I decided to push myself, challenge myself even further by actually studying the unknown shadow which kept visiting me. I allowed change to torture me. As painful as it feels; I began to be actively involved in the activities happening around me. I absorbed everything and also questioned everything. This decision led me to discover so many things. Things which remained hidden for such a long time. The revelation began when I looked at my own reflection on the mirror and asked myself one question: IS IT WORTH IT? Time and time again I tried convincing
myself that the discovery journey will be less painful and remorseful if I push myself harder. Again, all of this could end if I get my freedom. I realised that I needed to break free from the cage I have been held in. This could only be achieved if I opened old wounds, revisit past memories and open doors that have been locked for such a long time. Therefore, I approached the shadow which haunted me for years. I kindly asked him to let me go, to give me the keys. Ohh hell yeah…. He was surprised that now I have the confidence to ask him because he believed that he owned me like some kind of private property. I wouldn’t survive without him but he was wrong. He didn’t know the real me so he tossed the keys to the floor, I unlocked myself out. Then I was free. You would assume that I was happy to finally get my freedom. Honestly I was happy until I found out that there’s a price to pay after I got my freedom.

I will tell you about it…someday.

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We are never ever getting back together

I remember the bitter sweet taste of your lips when we kissed.
The lie you told when you said I was the only one

The forced laugh you uttered when I confronted you.

Your charming eyes drew me closer to the whirlpool of your narcissistic nature.

A confusing love portion which made me to see the saint in you. 

Drowned deeply into the darkest parts of your troubled soul. 

Normalized all your shortcoming because I was so forgiving and understanding.

Making promises that didnt materialize.

Truth be told…I am a sucker for cold hearted lover.

I was convinced that you came into my life with a bundle of hope and happiness.

I failed to notice the devil in you.

I am dealing with the injustice of your theatrical show you pulled when I was at my lowest.

Please dont come back with your excuses that you are now I changed man.

You admit your shortcomings and you are willing to do things right.

There is nothing to amend,

Thank you for bringing out the worst in me.

Thank you for changing me

Now I know the devil doesnt have horns and a tail.

The real devil is right here standing next to me.

Breathing the air that I breathe.

I wish I was a bird.

Birds cannot be caged for too long. They need to engage with the outside world for survival purposes. They have wings. Therefore, wings gives them the reason to fly. I know that some of you would argue that some birds don’t fly. It is worth noting that this piece of narration only consider the birds which can only fly. Flying is part of their DNA, they cannot deny the gift they have been given by God. Flying is their unique identity and it is part of their reality. I wish I was a bird. I just want to fly freely through the air, allow the air to fill my lungs, look at the world from above, appreciate the view from the upper glimpse and just get a different view for a change but I guess I cannot be a bird, I am only just a human being. Pulled down by the force of gravity and seeing the world around me from the below angle. Lately; no…..for so long I have been feeling like a caged bird. Locked around steel bars and seeing only what is placed in front of me. I couldn’t see what lies beyond the sun rays lighting up my room during the day, I couldn’t feel the chilly breeze of the late afternoon and I couldn’t see the face of the person who had placed me behind these bars. The only memory I have of him, is his scent which covered the room during feeding hours and the shadow which quickly faded through the walls during the night. I remained blinded for years. Until I decided to push myself, challenge myself even further by actually studying the unknown shadow which kept visiting me. I allowed change to torture me. As painful as it feels; I began to be actively involved in the activities happening around me. I absorbed everything and also questioned everything. This decision led me to discover so many things. Things which remained hidden for such a long time. The revelation began when I looked at my own reflection on the mirror and asked myself one question: IS IT WORTH IT? Time and time again I tried convincing
myself that the discovery journey will be less painful and remorseful if I push myself harder. Again, all of this could end if I get my freedom. I realised that I needed to break free from the cage I have been held in. This could only be achieved if I opened old wounds, revisit past memories and open doors that have been locked for such a long time. Therefore, I approached the shadow which haunted me for years. I kindly asked him to let me go, to give me the keys. Ohh hell yeah…. He was surprised that now I have the confidence to ask him because he believed that he owned me like some kind of private property. I wouldn’t survive without him but he was wrong. He didn’t know the real me so he tossed the keys to the floor, I unlocked myself out. Then I was free. You would assume that I was happy to finally get my freedom. Honestly I was happy until I found out that there’s a price to pay after I got my freedom.

I will tell you about it…someday.

image

Darkest hole

In the deep darkest hole,

nothing looks clearer than the beam of moonlight.

Transcending through the cracks of my nightmare.

only thing I could hear

Is a voice

A voice so soft and soothing

Singing me a lullaby.

Giving me courage to go deeper.

My curiosity is elevated.

My patience is running thin.

I want to discover what lies beneath these hole.

I am not afraid.

I am not alone.

I could feel the protection of the shadow.

Reassuring my safety.

through the pathway of darkness

I opened my eyes wider

Listened closely to every sound of my beating heart

Is it true that the night is utterly silent?

I could smell the scent from far

It dance with the wind like smoke

The scent is familiar.

It draws me back from its time

I know its master

We met a long time ago.

Inner self

We are so preoccupied with a lot of things in our lives.Have you ever wondered,how will you feel if you were being locked up in a room for five hours with only a bed,a picture frame of yourself,the mirror and a bed.I bet you were going to feel frustrated and bored.The need to do something was going to drive you insane.But why don’t you utilize that peaceful time for self-reflection or self introspection.It’s like we are so afraid of ourselves.We feel better if we are consumed with various activities.The thought of being alone,doing nothing and staring at our own reflection on the mirror is taken over by fear.We are so afraid to deeply search within ourselves our inner being because we have this assumption that the past is dead.It is not healthy to dig deeper because we are so afraid to open old wounds.I agree that we all have repressed some of our  past memories for various reasons but psychologically repression is not healthy.How can we conquer our fears if we don’t get in touch with the very first stimuli which made us to be fearful in the first place.Recently I have taken a conscious decision which is setting up a date with myself.During the date,I’m going to do nothing and I am going to walk away from being conscious of my environment and dig deeper to my inner self.I can actually hear my inner self screaming for help.I have been avoiding her for such a long time and I believe that if I listen to her more.I will find inner peace.Its not a crime to fulfill your inner self wishes but don’t be hard on yourself if you do not reach the highest level of peacefulness.Oh yes….you are going to feel all sort of emotions when you make a date with yourself.its okay if you wanna cry,scream or jump around but try doing breathing exercises and remember you are in charge of yourself.

Love

Maditjhaba

The monster

Can the past predetermine the future?
Why is the past keep recurring in the present?
Thoughts I’ve made peace with everything,
A single memory can exhume the wrath which is woven with worrisome feelings,
The monster always look for ways to put us on edge
superficially torture our souls with rage
forces us to alienate ourselves from reality
putting us in an utopian cage
filter our lives with great pain
then make us to become slaves within our own skins
Penetrating its sweet vengeance through our wild cravings for ecstacies.
Promising to put the mind at ease
surely the process of forgiving is never easy.
Finding the root of our anger requires time
The rise of conflict imprison us with doubts,
Slowly undressing our ego,leaving our bare soul tto experience the coldness of melancholy which is trapped within our unconscious mind.
Instead of moving forward, we feel like we are turning backwards.
Moving back in time of cruelty
What do we do to deal with this destruction?
Clotting our purest thoughts wuth confusion
One day we shall conquer the evil notives of this monster.
Its power is depended on us
Saturated with false implications.
then we are powerful beings, we can break the walls which stop us from enjoying life to the fullest.

My past

You strip my soul bare
made me dance on your own tune,
I’ve lost all my fortune,
Felt impatient to let the fruit prune
We are different yet we get along very well.
You had become a part of me
Leaving my heart burning with flames of rage.
locked myself in a cage.
Remorseful to consider you being part of my skin
left a scar which will forever remain
I love you once,twice and forever.
You know how to keep me sane
make me feel like everything is the same
became an opponent of your games.
Listen to the voice that screams for help
forgetting the pain you left behind.
Sometimes I wonder why you got so much power over me,
I thought I was the one in charge
Please don’t overshadow my judgements
you might know where I’ve been
but you know nothing about my future.

Struggling to forgive the past and to move on

STRUGGLING TO FORGIVE THE PAST AND TO MOVE ON
A brain it is the most powerful organ you can find in a human being, it works 365 days 24/7 without stopping or taking a break. It can store so many memories, events and places. I never thought I could feel this way, I have tried everything to forget about things happened in my past, tried to talk about it, to that person, that was involved in that current time, but still there is no change that has occurred. I tried to bottle up and not to try to talk about it, it made it even worse, because I always seen myself that I was never good enough to be something in life. Facing it now it’s even more stressful and challenging because my questions are never answered.
If I could have done something’s different back then, what future could I have been heading to as we speak, should I have taken the risks? Since, life it is all about taking them risks. Was I a fool of not holding to that special thing that meant a world to me by that time and age? So many questions I have asked myself already but still I can’t find the reasons and the answers to them. Life it is a total different story. They say and I quote “life it’s like an exam” so don’t compare yourself to another person because you don’t know what type of a question paper is he or she is writing. But in life it it’s the other way around, you turn to write the exam and you get the lessons after you have done the test. That is the only tricky way of learning your mistakes.
Sometimes you wish the exams or the tests that came across your life could have stayed away. Because the learning outcome of the exam that you have written has hurt you and caused so much pain that you want to give up and never try again, because you don’t see the reason why you should try or take a risk of something that will end up making you to be unhappy, sad and feeling unwanted with lot of pain in your heart. God is the one that’s giving us this exams, he never leaves you while you are struggling to get good marks out of it. God will put you through some difficulty, but one thing he doesn’t do is, to leave you to deal with it alone.
People come and go within our life. Some are the tests that we face, because you will never know that, that person came as a gift to your life or as a lesson. We have brothers and sisters that are there to try to help us whenever we come across such challenges. And we have friends on the other hand:
*SECTION A: Some friends are there just to mislead you or to make you feel small all the time(10 marks)
*SECTION B: Some friends are just your friend because do something’s for them” to them, you are just a tool” (20marks)
*SECTION C: Some friends are there because you bring change and make a difference to their life. (50 marks)
* SECTION D: And not forgetting the relationship “love life”. (20 marks)
This looks like a structure of a question paper, an English question paper and that’s how life it is. An exam
GOOD LUCK AND REMEMBER GOD IS ALWAYS ON YOUR SIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
N.B This inspiring text was written by a close friend of mine,It really made me think a lot so I hope you enjoy it too.