I wish I was a bird.

Birds cannot be caged for too long. They need to engage with the outside world for survival purposes. They have wings. Therefore, wings gives them the reason to fly. I know that some of you would argue that some birds don’t fly. It is worth noting that this piece of narration only consider the birds which can only fly. Flying is part of their DNA, they cannot deny the gift they have been given by God. Flying is their unique identity and it is part of their reality. I wish I was a bird. I just want to fly freely through the air, allow the air to fill my lungs, look at the world from above, appreciate the view from the upper glimpse and just get a different view for a change but I guess I cannot be a bird, I am only just a human being. Pulled down by the force of gravity and seeing the world around me from the below angle. Lately; no…..for so long I have been feeling like a caged bird. Locked around steel bars and seeing only what is placed in front of me. I couldn’t see what lies beyond the sun rays lighting up my room during the day, I couldn’t feel the chilly breeze of the late afternoon and I couldn’t see the face of the person who had placed me behind these bars. The only memory I have of him, is his scent which covered the room during feeding hours and the shadow which quickly faded through the walls during the night. I remained blinded for years. Until I decided to push myself, challenge myself even further by actually studying the unknown shadow which kept visiting me. I allowed change to torture me. As painful as it feels; I began to be actively involved in the activities happening around me. I absorbed everything and also questioned everything. This decision led me to discover so many things. Things which remained hidden for such a long time. The revelation began when I looked at my own reflection on the mirror and asked myself one question: IS IT WORTH IT? Time and time again I tried convincing
myself that the discovery journey will be less painful and remorseful if I push myself harder. Again, all of this could end if I get my freedom. I realised that I needed to break free from the cage I have been held in. This could only be achieved if I opened old wounds, revisit past memories and open doors that have been locked for such a long time. Therefore, I approached the shadow which haunted me for years. I kindly asked him to let me go, to give me the keys. Ohh hell yeah…. He was surprised that now I have the confidence to ask him because he believed that he owned me like some kind of private property. I wouldn’t survive without him but he was wrong. He didn’t know the real me so he tossed the keys to the floor, I unlocked myself out. Then I was free. You would assume that I was happy to finally get my freedom. Honestly I was happy until I found out that there’s a price to pay after I got my freedom.

I will tell you about it…someday.

image

We are never ever getting back together

I remember the bitter sweet taste of your lips when we kissed.
The lie you told when you said I was the only one

The forced laugh you uttered when I confronted you.

Your charming eyes drew me closer to the whirlpool of your narcissistic nature.

A confusing love portion which made me to see the saint in you. 

Drowned deeply into the darkest parts of your troubled soul. 

Normalized all your shortcoming because I was so forgiving and understanding.

Making promises that didnt materialize.

Truth be told…I am a sucker for cold hearted lover.

I was convinced that you came into my life with a bundle of hope and happiness.

I failed to notice the devil in you.

I am dealing with the injustice of your theatrical show you pulled when I was at my lowest.

Please dont come back with your excuses that you are now I changed man.

You admit your shortcomings and you are willing to do things right.

There is nothing to amend,

Thank you for bringing out the worst in me.

Thank you for changing me

Now I know the devil doesnt have horns and a tail.

The real devil is right here standing next to me.

Breathing the air that I breathe.

I wish I was a bird.

Birds cannot be caged for too long. They need to engage with the outside world for survival purposes. They have wings. Therefore, wings gives them the reason to fly. I know that some of you would argue that some birds don’t fly. It is worth noting that this piece of narration only consider the birds which can only fly. Flying is part of their DNA, they cannot deny the gift they have been given by God. Flying is their unique identity and it is part of their reality. I wish I was a bird. I just want to fly freely through the air, allow the air to fill my lungs, look at the world from above, appreciate the view from the upper glimpse and just get a different view for a change but I guess I cannot be a bird, I am only just a human being. Pulled down by the force of gravity and seeing the world around me from the below angle. Lately; no…..for so long I have been feeling like a caged bird. Locked around steel bars and seeing only what is placed in front of me. I couldn’t see what lies beyond the sun rays lighting up my room during the day, I couldn’t feel the chilly breeze of the late afternoon and I couldn’t see the face of the person who had placed me behind these bars. The only memory I have of him, is his scent which covered the room during feeding hours and the shadow which quickly faded through the walls during the night. I remained blinded for years. Until I decided to push myself, challenge myself even further by actually studying the unknown shadow which kept visiting me. I allowed change to torture me. As painful as it feels; I began to be actively involved in the activities happening around me. I absorbed everything and also questioned everything. This decision led me to discover so many things. Things which remained hidden for such a long time. The revelation began when I looked at my own reflection on the mirror and asked myself one question: IS IT WORTH IT? Time and time again I tried convincing
myself that the discovery journey will be less painful and remorseful if I push myself harder. Again, all of this could end if I get my freedom. I realised that I needed to break free from the cage I have been held in. This could only be achieved if I opened old wounds, revisit past memories and open doors that have been locked for such a long time. Therefore, I approached the shadow which haunted me for years. I kindly asked him to let me go, to give me the keys. Ohh hell yeah…. He was surprised that now I have the confidence to ask him because he believed that he owned me like some kind of private property. I wouldn’t survive without him but he was wrong. He didn’t know the real me so he tossed the keys to the floor, I unlocked myself out. Then I was free. You would assume that I was happy to finally get my freedom. Honestly I was happy until I found out that there’s a price to pay after I got my freedom.

I will tell you about it…someday.

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Special Somebody

Even on the present day
He remained a prisoner of her thoughts.
She longed for him.
A long lost friend from childhood.
Foolishly sending butterflies through her stomach.
Remembering all the times they’ve spent together.
Leaving a soothing;warm feeling in her troubled soul.
She wont stop searching for him.
Wanting to feel his presence.
A perfect masterpiece belonging in her wildest dreams.
Fragments of bitter sweet memories collide to produce a beautiful collage.
Sending chills through her body
Shivering with deep darkest desires.
To taste his sweetness once more
Although she engage herself in detached mere infatuations.
No man can fill up the void she feels.
She needs him now more than ever.
Anxiety rails through her forced smile
Childlike giggles formed with strange men.
It is such a pity….that their attempt to love her are meaningless.
She loves one man.
And that man it is him.
She feels so lost.
Lost in dark alleys leading to unattended feelings.
Feelings of the past,slowly exposing their existence when she tries to ignore the voice inside her.
Telling her not to give up.
Her prince charming is waiting for her.
But it seems forever
However…she still sees his tender face vividly in her dreams.
She has hope that one day
They will be together.
The path she always dream about lead to him;no one else.

revelation

Thank you for making me feel so alive,
remembering the agonizing thoughts of yesterday,
teaching me to embrace all the shortcomings that comes with life,
Everything I thought I knew about you it had faded away like a repressed thought,
You had become an unattended event of the past,
Shared a rehearsed conversation to hide our true feelings,
our superficial fronts follows us like haunted ghost
wrapped with unbearable desires
yet we shut ourselves out of the lustful cocoons
memories we have created are not forgetful dreams
Only if I can hear the liberating melody of my beating heart,
I will understand the message from that one last kiss you gave me
interwoven with good farewells,
promising all the best for the lonely journey we chose to embark…
A kiss which imprint my soul with forbidden pleasures,
slowly evoking the wickedness that lies behind those eyes of yours,
Sinful pleasures that promise to quench my thirst for love,
searching for the truth inside your lies,
tension caving in, building a wall between us.
making us known strangers
exiled by our egos,
Seeking new ways to heal the pain
Your silence overflows with profound revelations.
Now I truly understand why you were part of my past not my future,
you were an obstacle which deprived me to reach my full potential.
BUT NOW I HAVE LET YOU GO
I am more than happy
I am free….

This place

This place will always serve as a reminder of what I’ve been through,
the memories created will be the testimony when the lawyer seek for evidence.
I didn’t mean to burn it down like a repressed thought in my mind.
Carried on like I’d never been there before…
Slowly the scars kept showing as much as I try to hide it.
the sweet aroma of baked cookies will always remain in my senses,
making me feel the warmth,coldness of the wind that blows outside the window.
This place becomes a book written by me,
telling tales of my childhood,
the heartaches I’ve felt…
the challenges I’ve experienced…
All the lesson learnt started from there.
I honor the women who kept the place warm without a fire place.
made it felt inviting even though she had nothing luxurious.
her gentleness,tender love was the most expensive treasure given.
This place is my home…
The first chapters of my life book begins here.
Together we have cried,laughed,fought yet we still stand united
Portraying a lifelong picture that puts a smile on my face,
A picture that resemble unconditional love,peace and happiness.
Surely there is no place like home.

Good girl gone bad

She has been neglecting him for years,
Indulging in too much work,
Forgotten all the fun they onced had…
Forgotten how he made her get butterflies in her tummy,
Forgotten the goodness of being swept off her feet.
She is prepared to do anything
to bring back all that fire of the past,
She has beautiful fantasies
Yet she is shy to implement them
One afternoon, she made a deal with the devil,
She waited for him to come back home
As he was busy watching football,
she walked pass him with nothing on her skin
just with the beautiful scent of her perfume which caught him
He couldn’t stop looking, breathing, praising the image infront of him.
The beauty and the unexpected scene lured him to show his apreciation.
Something new was in his eyes
making him reach the peak of the hidden mountain of Everest.
Then two hearts were combined, the spark was ignited,
until then all was in the past,
A new step was taken to unleash the memories which were thought to be forgotten.
Everyday he waits patiently for the flower to blosom,
But not forgetting to show his appreciation,
A good girl gone bad,
Learnt to bring out the fun in him.
Better memories were created,
The impact was imprinted in him from that day until now…
The loneliness creeps as he struggle to make peace with his loss,
The flower still haunts him in his dreams
Although he enjoys it but it sadden him to think that he will never see her again.

Fire Burning

Music playing on the back ground,
Thoughts being caught up around unfamiliar places,
Silent night, dare to dream.
Failing to understand the feelings locked inside me.
Suddenly realized that I long for him more than ever.
Our last conversation did not end very well,
Left me with mixed emotions I cannot explain,
His phone call left me unsatisfied,
Our memories wrapped me up with sweet sour emotions,
though I hate it when we start to fighting
In darkness he still finds me.
He’d never felt weary to entertain me till dawn,
He felt guilty even if I was wrong
hr knows how to keep the fire burning inside me.

The injustice of the mirror

There she is…standing infront of a mirror,
Looking at her reflection with intense eyes,
cursing the reality under her breath,
Wondering what would it be like if a little inch of her body was reduced,
Choosing an outfit took forever,
Time is not on her side.
Her thoughts are fighting the injustice of the mirror,
She is tempted to cancelled her date,
but she doesn’t want to disappoint the heart that asked her so generously,
She is so blind to realize the beauty that lies within herself,
Slowly observing the scar under her breast,
Wishing it never been there….
It reminded her of the tragedy that occurred during her teenagehood,
She tries to sweep away this disturbing thought with a smile,
Hearing her pounding very loudly,
Taking a deep breath, allowing the scent of her perfume to unleash her cheerful mood,
From a distance she could see her mother smiling at her, telling her how beautiful she looked….
Suddenly chose the dress, arrange her accessories,
eventually she was out of her room with a positive state of mind.

Yearning for you

I wish these potent feelings I have for you were mutable,
Suddenly realize they are entrenched deeply in my heart,
As much as I try to mull them thoroughly
I tend to lose my sense of control,
Your preseence exhume what I’ve hidden for so long,
Held myself responsible for all the trouble you brought into my life.
Act modest, just to get by
watched you from the distance
Your sight enchant my soul with fulfilling thoughts.

I can’t hide these for much longer,
Everyday the impact grow stronger,
This moment I’m yearning for you,
can I trust you with my heart?
at the end of the day,you are only human.

Feel like you caught me under a spell
I wish I could turn back time
move on without knowing you in my life,
Hoping one day these yearning would die,
cannot repeat the same mistake twice,
My fragile heart desire something beyong.
How dull I was for showing him my area of weakness,’
I tried to endure the pain in silence
yet the human thought chose to be beyond,
within the depth of desiring-there’s a battle to be lost
seems hard to expunge our memories
A lot can be taken,
Yet I still put my heart on a line while you chose to be far from my sight.