Inconvenient love

I have grown tired of inconvenient love.
The love which comes with terms and conditions.
Love that show up when boredom strikes,
Love associated with physical desire and greed.
Love that comes unannounced.
Love that requires rescuing from its own brokenness.
Love that embodies expectations every time one experiences a downfall.
Love that keeps on taking, taking without showing any gratitude.
I AM DONE.
I am done being a fool for mere infatuations.
I want to feel and experience genuine love.
I really want the real deal.
This half baked, medium rare or slightly salty cooked meals are no longer part of my palate.
I wont apologize for being selfish,
I won’t apologize for speaking my mind.
I won’t apologize for safeguarding my heart and peace of mind.
I am done.
I love myself too much to make myself available for mediocre love.

Yeah let that sink in… 😉

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Space between

Wherever we go
We still find each other
Though we remain broken colour wax crayons
We still colour our darkest hours apart with our love.
The space between our strange connection.
We found our comfort through the river which overflows with heartfelt memories.
All the shared kisses and tender touch consume me
Reawaken the desire that contains me
You summoned me to reach deeper into the depth of my longings.
Your closeness brought a pleasant shiver of my body.
Begging me to lose myself…be in the moment.
You know how to ignite the fire of love that burns inside me.
When I’ve tasted your sweetness to curb my thirst and hunger,
You became my secret habit.
I clung to you like a baby on his mother’s back.
I hated you and also loved you.
Please dont leave me,
Im not sure I can survive the agony of losing you again.

Special Somebody

Even on the present day
He remained a prisoner of her thoughts.
She longed for him.
A long lost friend from childhood.
Foolishly sending butterflies through her stomach.
Remembering all the times they’ve spent together.
Leaving a soothing;warm feeling in her troubled soul.
She wont stop searching for him.
Wanting to feel his presence.
A perfect masterpiece belonging in her wildest dreams.
Fragments of bitter sweet memories collide to produce a beautiful collage.
Sending chills through her body
Shivering with deep darkest desires.
To taste his sweetness once more
Although she engage herself in detached mere infatuations.
No man can fill up the void she feels.
She needs him now more than ever.
Anxiety rails through her forced smile
Childlike giggles formed with strange men.
It is such a pity….that their attempt to love her are meaningless.
She loves one man.
And that man it is him.
She feels so lost.
Lost in dark alleys leading to unattended feelings.
Feelings of the past,slowly exposing their existence when she tries to ignore the voice inside her.
Telling her not to give up.
Her prince charming is waiting for her.
But it seems forever
However…she still sees his tender face vividly in her dreams.
She has hope that one day
They will be together.
The path she always dream about lead to him;no one else.

A gift and a curse

Yesterday is gone with its colourful memories,
All is left for us today is the coldness of the wind
Slowly torturing us like empty WORDS that are saturated wit dreadful desires,
Leaving our hearts with nothing but emptiness
given no opportunity to mend our broken hearts.
A lonely impulse of our lost dreams.
making us restless
Darkness crawling in, suffocating and domineering
Tortured by the shadows that live under our beds
Singing a sad song, drowned within the memento of our broken hearts.
Depicting a clustered memoir that leaves our hearts in so much bitterness.
Fighting a battle we do not understand,
a battle which exist only in the heart.
Having nothing to justify our assumptions
I wish I could turn back time
Make is standstill, allow me to climb over the mountain,
reach the peak
Scream out the pain that is locked inside
release this dreadful memory of you
travel beyond possibilities
Learn to embrace my imperfection
Forgive myself
Oh rescue me, my dear love
I am drowning in my own sorrows
I am feeling hallow
I have learnt my lesson
the experience is deeply wounded with hostility.
Giving me/showing me tough love
I could sense the harsh realities that I have unravelled
Disturbing memories that lock away the mind in the prison of selfish men
I thought I was helping you but I was hurting you.
Pushing you away whne I needed you the most
Cursed by confusion, doubtful thoughts
sunking me dry…leaving me thirsty for more.

one of those days….

All the excitement had faded away,
Yesterday laughter had become todays pain,
everything has changed.
The load on my shoulders its too heavy to carry,
the pain is too much to bear,
Oh God help me to get by to just another day.
I am going through stuff,
The dark cloud hanging over me is sunking me dry,
Leaving me in coldness,
Everything looks darker…I am losing it.
I am my own stranger,
I feel so detached with myself
I don’t recognise my own reflection on the mirror,
I am suffocating in my own skin…
I wanna scream and let go off the heat that I feel inside
I can’t stand the burning agony that tears me apart each day
i got nothing to bargain with…
I am only breathing the air of despair.
I am left with nothing to share.
All I am left with is the darkest shadow that follows me
I can’t stand its presence.
This life had taken everything
my pride,my love,my happiness.
All I can hear is the echos of my emptiness.
Oh Lord I am lost
Every step I take feel like I am walking backwards.
I wanna cry but I do not have the strength to do it anymore
I feel numb,comfused,out of place
I feel like a living statue.

revelation

Thank you for making me feel so alive,
remembering the agonizing thoughts of yesterday,
teaching me to embrace all the shortcomings that comes with life,
Everything I thought I knew about you it had faded away like a repressed thought,
You had become an unattended event of the past,
Shared a rehearsed conversation to hide our true feelings,
our superficial fronts follows us like haunted ghost
wrapped with unbearable desires
yet we shut ourselves out of the lustful cocoons
memories we have created are not forgetful dreams
Only if I can hear the liberating melody of my beating heart,
I will understand the message from that one last kiss you gave me
interwoven with good farewells,
promising all the best for the lonely journey we chose to embark…
A kiss which imprint my soul with forbidden pleasures,
slowly evoking the wickedness that lies behind those eyes of yours,
Sinful pleasures that promise to quench my thirst for love,
searching for the truth inside your lies,
tension caving in, building a wall between us.
making us known strangers
exiled by our egos,
Seeking new ways to heal the pain
Your silence overflows with profound revelations.
Now I truly understand why you were part of my past not my future,
you were an obstacle which deprived me to reach my full potential.
BUT NOW I HAVE LET YOU GO
I am more than happy
I am free….

The monster

Can the past predetermine the future?
Why is the past keep recurring in the present?
Thoughts I’ve made peace with everything,
A single memory can exhume the wrath which is woven with worrisome feelings,
The monster always look for ways to put us on edge
superficially torture our souls with rage
forces us to alienate ourselves from reality
putting us in an utopian cage
filter our lives with great pain
then make us to become slaves within our own skins
Penetrating its sweet vengeance through our wild cravings for ecstacies.
Promising to put the mind at ease
surely the process of forgiving is never easy.
Finding the root of our anger requires time
The rise of conflict imprison us with doubts,
Slowly undressing our ego,leaving our bare soul tto experience the coldness of melancholy which is trapped within our unconscious mind.
Instead of moving forward, we feel like we are turning backwards.
Moving back in time of cruelty
What do we do to deal with this destruction?
Clotting our purest thoughts wuth confusion
One day we shall conquer the evil notives of this monster.
Its power is depended on us
Saturated with false implications.
then we are powerful beings, we can break the walls which stop us from enjoying life to the fullest.

Struggling to write

Caught up within tainted images,
Reminding me about the pain of yesterday
Slowly taken back by the heartache which is ravished by smiles
Putting up a front to hide my real emotions.
Silently singing a sad song
Where did it go wrong?
Suddenly the darkness is my friend, the light is my enemy
I have made peace with the shadows that haunt me in my sleep
Found pleasure from horrific nightmares
but then again this is just a passing phase.

TEARS

Release your emotional baggage with a good cry,
Dying in silence ignite the fire burning inside
Give yourself time,shut yourself away form the world for a while,
meditate,try to make sense of what’s going on.
An echo of his voice,slowly destroying me.
making me feel numb
How do I stop him from crawling back in?
Eyes closed.suffocating,trying to caught my breathe
He is a mirror of shame,
A reminder of my short-comings
A unforgettable bastard!
He knows how do bring out the monster in me.
Replacing my anger with agony.
His sweet layered strawberry cake taste like rotten meat.
Here I am trying to reach you,
searching for a place once knew,shared,created memories.
Now I understand that love dies,
I can’t run away form the torture of the truth
Sucking me dry,until I lie
Living with the pain,a smile on my face
Close off the curtains of shame,
Tired of playing your useless games,
Things were never meant to be the same.
I am running a race to heal
One day you will be unforgettable dream
forgotten tune,meaningless drum beat
Remain in the darkness like a moon.
keep on being the world best fool.

I am a mess

Doing no good when I put myself in a standard
Limitations are the source of dissatisfaction,
Putting myself in little boxes
When the world begins to exercise their comparison games,
with hate…
The heart is troubled, making the migraine unbearable,
imprison my free-spirited inner self
Showing the society what they ought to see.
Never saw a prophet whose younger like me.
painting pictures with words,
dying inside becomes a tendency.
Being late to realize that the truth shall set us free.
Experts establish an emotional connection
making the world believe they’ve got all the answers.
being pushed away,lost count of the battles I’ve fought in my lifetime.
Telling another woman’s son that I cannot live without.
In the meanwhile I’m holding the keys to the house.
He always been a guest.
Gave him everything, fulfilled his requests.
never realized,I was wasting time,
trying to please a heart of another man,
mine tormented with self hatred,confusion stood on my way.
Told him to get out while his scent chose to stay.
Feeling tempted to give him a call,
Realized he doesn’t deserve it.
Let silence be his keeper,
help him to grow, make up his mind
know what he wants.
I’m a mes like him
My troubles are keeping me restless.
NO matter how long it will take me
I shall rise above this bitterness.