04/06/2016

Denied feelings
Mind thinking
Intense longing
Confusion consuming
Hope descending 
Distance loving
Secretly wishing

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His intimidating
Eyes looking
Pride ruling
Ego overflowing
Patiently waiting
Someday we’ll start talking
Hope that we will be listening

New You

I chose to paint you with a different brush.

Associate you with a new identity.

a new image intensified with a new meaningful passion.

You had followed a disgraceful path.

Your eyes reflect the harsh realities of your past.

Let me guide you to a promised land,

a place of love and peace

You’ve been broken for such a long time.

You have forgotten the sweet sounds of blessings.

Small things which gives great pleasure

The cacophony which dwells inside your mind shall be evicted by pleasing thoughts.

You fail to recognize the existence of love and happiness.

You are preoccupied with depressing events.

with quietness and acceptance

The disturbing thoughts get easily swayed by the wind.

Allow pleasing thoughts to drive you forth

Be the guardian of your thoughts

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Sometimes in life we tend to ignore the truth because of its bitter taste and we forget that the truth lessen the burden of living life with depressing thoughts. Sometimes its fine to feel sad or angry. Allow yourself to go through those emotions now rather than dealing with them later when its too late.

P.s Life is a mixture of happy and sad memories.

Quote of the day No.1

How can I write your name in the sky when you broke my wing?

Im dragged down by your gravity of deceptions and hate.

You like it when Im on the ground.

Though you have taken some part of me.

You didn’t take away my heart.

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Blinded by your love

“Is it selfish of me to love some part of you, loving you is fun and also stressful. You give me mixed signals hence assuming that I get the message. Maybe, someday I will understand the coded messages of your behaviour but I’m no psychic. I’m just an ordinary human being. I usually complain about your stupid habits which gets to me but all is forgiven when you look deep into my eyes, caressing me with those warms hands and your charismatic nature gets me mad and at ease at the same time. This sound craze but now I understand that love conquers all and it is blind. Nonetheless I enjoy being blinded by you. You make my life exciting.

Beautiful nightmare

Though I have tasted the swetnesss of your deception I keep coming back for more.

You are a habit I cannot resist

A drug which keeps me intoxicated with deep seductive charm,

forcing me to expose my vulnerability

I just can’t get enough.

I have let you in my life to close the emptiness and the void which I have hidden for such a long time.

Feed you with lies, toyed with your feelings and made you believe I am happy even satisfied

Fuck……I didn’t want to bruise your ego.  You were just a short-lived fun, risky, thrilling to experience and I liked every minute of it.

Your presence gave me an adrenalin run

I knew that adventure is your middle name.

Then suddenly I couldn’t deal with the catastrophic experience which burns me with mixed emotions.

You are such a beautiful nightmare that I have began to enjoy.

Please don’t wake me yet…..

Once this is over, just forget we had ever met.

Move on….we are just strangers, you do not know my name.

I am dangerous….you just deserve better.

take me back

Take me back to our teenage love,

I want to hear the purest sound of our heart beat.

Beating as one…..drawing ourselves closer to our dream

a dream once shared…..memories we have created.

I want to get lost in your eyes

I want to feel the innocence of our passion

The stolen moments which still lingers in my mind

let me write your name amongst the stars

Hold you tightly under the moonlight

Becoming captivated by your undying scent of your cologne.

Every hour spent with you

I will forever cherish in my heart

I wish you nothing but the best.

Caress my body with those strong gentle hands of yours

Ignite the deepest longings I’ve hidden for so long

sensual longings that are beyond the reach of human thought

feed this unbearable appetite of love with your charm

I dare you hold a little longer

Do not feel discourage by the changing seasons

life is a mixture of everything

Inner self

We are so preoccupied with a lot of things in our lives.Have you ever wondered,how will you feel if you were being locked up in a room for five hours with only a bed,a picture frame of yourself,the mirror and a bed.I bet you were going to feel frustrated and bored.The need to do something was going to drive you insane.But why don’t you utilize that peaceful time for self-reflection or self introspection.It’s like we are so afraid of ourselves.We feel better if we are consumed with various activities.The thought of being alone,doing nothing and staring at our own reflection on the mirror is taken over by fear.We are so afraid to deeply search within ourselves our inner being because we have this assumption that the past is dead.It is not healthy to dig deeper because we are so afraid to open old wounds.I agree that we all have repressed some of our  past memories for various reasons but psychologically repression is not healthy.How can we conquer our fears if we don’t get in touch with the very first stimuli which made us to be fearful in the first place.Recently I have taken a conscious decision which is setting up a date with myself.During the date,I’m going to do nothing and I am going to walk away from being conscious of my environment and dig deeper to my inner self.I can actually hear my inner self screaming for help.I have been avoiding her for such a long time and I believe that if I listen to her more.I will find inner peace.Its not a crime to fulfill your inner self wishes but don’t be hard on yourself if you do not reach the highest level of peacefulness.Oh yes….you are going to feel all sort of emotions when you make a date with yourself.its okay if you wanna cry,scream or jump around but try doing breathing exercises and remember you are in charge of yourself.

Love

Maditjhaba

Familiar Face

I stood there motionless
Looking through open spaces,
wondering about that one unforgettable face
A face that brought up deep, wounded, painful mempries.
Dealing with the what ifs, maybes, only ifs
I realised that it was too late
I cannot not stop, pause for a moment.
I carried on reliving the past.
The chaotic, disturbing, bitter feelings are still locked in my heart.
Blamed everyone for my own mistakes,
My nind is clustered with unpleasant thoughts
Pushing me afar…alienating myself from reality.
My own numbness drugged me to sleep
Portrayed a strong character while I was slowly dying inside.
Troubled by this familiar face which suddenly lock me up in the darkness
causing me to have endless nightmares,
Remembering everything he has done
The pain he left behind
Left me broken, forced me to build a wall around myself