Special Somebody

Even on the present day
He remained a prisoner of her thoughts.
She longed for him.
A long lost friend from childhood.
Foolishly sending butterflies through her stomach.
Remembering all the times they’ve spent together.
Leaving a soothing;warm feeling in her troubled soul.
She wont stop searching for him.
Wanting to feel his presence.
A perfect masterpiece belonging in her wildest dreams.
Fragments of bitter sweet memories collide to produce a beautiful collage.
Sending chills through her body
Shivering with deep darkest desires.
To taste his sweetness once more
Although she engage herself in detached mere infatuations.
No man can fill up the void she feels.
She needs him now more than ever.
Anxiety rails through her forced smile
Childlike giggles formed with strange men.
It is such a pity….that their attempt to love her are meaningless.
She loves one man.
And that man it is him.
She feels so lost.
Lost in dark alleys leading to unattended feelings.
Feelings of the past,slowly exposing their existence when she tries to ignore the voice inside her.
Telling her not to give up.
Her prince charming is waiting for her.
But it seems forever
However…she still sees his tender face vividly in her dreams.
She has hope that one day
They will be together.
The path she always dream about lead to him;no one else.

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Darkest hole

In the deep darkest hole,

nothing looks clearer than the beam of moonlight.

Transcending through the cracks of my nightmare.

only thing I could hear

Is a voice

A voice so soft and soothing

Singing me a lullaby.

Giving me courage to go deeper.

My curiosity is elevated.

My patience is running thin.

I want to discover what lies beneath these hole.

I am not afraid.

I am not alone.

I could feel the protection of the shadow.

Reassuring my safety.

through the pathway of darkness

I opened my eyes wider

Listened closely to every sound of my beating heart

Is it true that the night is utterly silent?

I could smell the scent from far

It dance with the wind like smoke

The scent is familiar.

It draws me back from its time

I know its master

We met a long time ago.

Beautiful nightmare

Though I have tasted the swetnesss of your deception I keep coming back for more.

You are a habit I cannot resist

A drug which keeps me intoxicated with deep seductive charm,

forcing me to expose my vulnerability

I just can’t get enough.

I have let you in my life to close the emptiness and the void which I have hidden for such a long time.

Feed you with lies, toyed with your feelings and made you believe I am happy even satisfied

Fuck……I didn’t want to bruise your ego.  You were just a short-lived fun, risky, thrilling to experience and I liked every minute of it.

Your presence gave me an adrenalin run

I knew that adventure is your middle name.

Then suddenly I couldn’t deal with the catastrophic experience which burns me with mixed emotions.

You are such a beautiful nightmare that I have began to enjoy.

Please don’t wake me yet…..

Once this is over, just forget we had ever met.

Move on….we are just strangers, you do not know my name.

I am dangerous….you just deserve better.

I wish I knew what he meant

I wish I knew what he meant
I wish I knew what he meant when he told me he loves me
I have heard those words for thousands times
Now I do not know their underlying meaning
They carry the burden of doubts
Dining on the table of deceit
Feeling unsure what exactly is on the menu
Allow thy self to be broken into pieces
Walking through a path of understanding what you really want…
Hiding the scars of my past with my smile
Reshuffle the memories I thought we both shared
Searching for the dirt underneath the carpet
The carpet which covers the truth which we are too afraid to share
Jailed by your incredible charm which looks harmless
Yet I could sense the danger its breathes
I am a bruised angel; I cannot use my wings to fly to you
You are so far away, I can’t reach you
One moment you come all tender and after you are as cold as an iceberg
Do not assume that you understand my silence
I have dressed it with a soft fur but if you look closely it’s full of thorns
I want to go back to where it all started but I really can’t turn back the heads of time.

take me back

Take me back to our teenage love,

I want to hear the purest sound of our heart beat.

Beating as one…..drawing ourselves closer to our dream

a dream once shared…..memories we have created.

I want to get lost in your eyes

I want to feel the innocence of our passion

The stolen moments which still lingers in my mind

let me write your name amongst the stars

Hold you tightly under the moonlight

Becoming captivated by your undying scent of your cologne.

Every hour spent with you

I will forever cherish in my heart

I wish you nothing but the best.

Caress my body with those strong gentle hands of yours

Ignite the deepest longings I’ve hidden for so long

sensual longings that are beyond the reach of human thought

feed this unbearable appetite of love with your charm

I dare you hold a little longer

Do not feel discourage by the changing seasons

life is a mixture of everything

The urge to write

Haunts me through my sleep,
with thoughts that will forever remind me of the journey I once travelled,
Leaving behind traces of scars on my soft skin,
Feeling unhappy to look at my reflection on the mirror,
consuming my soul with grieve of losing a great part of me.
I have become a wanderer in my own place of birth,
Lost track with the familiarities that surround me,
Trying to rmember myself
My past experience, my ordinary life,my own memories which are entrenched with healing thoughts
I have lost it, lost it all…
Lost my former pleasures of writing,reading,long walks,quietness and wild eyes
Always pushing me to explore what lies beyond
Ignorance became my best friend,
Betrayed the courtesy of speaking the truth,
dealing with the cruelty of empty words which burns me inside,
Taking away my pride
consuming my thoughts within the ocean of lies
surrounded by dead seaweeds.
Tormented by the restless waves which pushes me afar
Blame thee for the loneliness I feel,
The coldness of the shore will forever remind me to be thankful of the sunrise
Lasting for a shortwhile
Given a chance to experience yet another day
I will survive the sadness which tortures me through the night.

Chasing Dreams

We spend our precious time chasing dreams,
Dreams that are too far to be reached,
Convince ourselves that the little effort we make push us closer,
yet forgetting to create an action plan,
We put ourselves in little boxes
Feeling afraid to explore the underlying mystery of our comfort zone,
Waiting for the shooting star to make a wish
Forgetting that life is inevitable,
We fumble when things go on a different direction,
Forgetting that everything happen for a reason,
Forces of life push us to the edge.
Inner conflict emerge
Feeling afraid to face our fears
We conform ourselves in small spaces
Ignoring the voices inside our heads..
Who are we fooling?
The world or ourselves,
We become the slave of our shortcomings
Allowing our failure to overshadow us
living our lives with denial
forgetting that the wheels turns,
nothing stay the same.

Good cry

Let me have a good cry
flood of tears,cleansing my soul
giving me a sense of awareness about how I feel…
releasing the pain locked inside the house of denial
hiding away the truth with my smile
silence suffocating me…
something without reach…
slowly killing my sensation and perception like a recreational drug,
the deal need to be terminated,
it took away my freedom,
everything felt wrong,
the conditions of the deal clouded my judgment
I failed to make sense of the attributions of our engagement,
You were never real…
you emerged through my dreams
showed me a perfect world I couldn’t anticipate
but you were just an illusion
you were never real…
Allow me to have a good cry
to calm myself from all the frustration you caused in my life,
I don’t blame you
I blame myself for being so kind.
a good cry is the rebirth of new ideas,perspective and a new beginning
tears don’t just fall down for no reason
they bring healing…but with a dose of patience
all will make sense.

Random thoughts

Sitting on the bench of my fears,
looking at open spaces filled with memories,
An unforgettable song keeping my mind occupied,
A smile from a stranger being observed from a distance,
loved ones holding each others hands to sustain their reunion.
suddenly a scent which lingers through the air triggers the mind,
making you believe that somethings don’t just fall behind,
they forever follow you like your own shadow,
constantly asking yourself whether the curse will carry on even tomorrow,
surely you’ve mistaken reality with fantasy,
repressed emotions don’t hide themselves for too long…
they get tired and the water from the bottle start spilling
you are forced to start talking.
taking a journey through memory lane,
trying to make sense with everything around you.
feeling so overwhelmed,suffocated by your own ignorance,
you need help….
yet you are too proud…
Your confusion keep you asleep like a lullaby
giving you nightmares that are made up of candies,
then you wake up in unfamiliar place
wondering how you got there…
then you remember,it was just a dream…
a dream which felt so real,
a dream which needs to be dealt with sooner.

I FORGIVE YOU

I forgive you
for your lack of knowledge,
for your blindness which led me to hate,
treating me as a prisoner in my own place,
taking away my fate,
bearing the fruits which haunted my common sense,
leaving me feeling afraid,
showing me free flowing fountain which cleanse my innocence,
a sacred river which overflows with lifeless pleasure,
floated with limitless adventures.

I forgive you
for your careless mistakes which got me into trouble,
left me in so much debt of denial,
for your lack of consideration,
forcing me to react on impulse
letting the greatest opportunity of being true to myself to pass me by.

I forgive you
for your failure of understanding what I want…
for unleashing the darkest monster that live inside me,
for teaching me the distinction between pure love and lust,
for making me sleep on the bed adorn with shattered dreams
for walking with me through the path filled with thorns,
for making me beg for more
yet you knew that the implications of getting your poisonous affection
will gently activate my thoughts,
making the wrong to look right.

I forgive you
for wasting my precious time to deal with your foolishness,
for letting me explore the beauty of your uselessness,
for creating an impact which is meaningless,
for contradicting my values with your problems,
for holding my hand and pushing me to the limit
which made me the person I am today…
for being a fake friend which sugar coat lies with truthfulness,
for leaving me powerless,
a manipulative lover who do anything to boost his ego,
deeply stimulating his wickedness with beautiful music,
slowly captivating my mind unconsciously
being a guide which led me to unfamiliar places
places which showed superficial beauty
places which are beyond imagined
let alone pushing you to forget reality.