Inner self

We are so preoccupied with a lot of things in our lives.Have you ever wondered,how will you feel if you were being locked up in a room for five hours with only a bed,a picture frame of yourself,the mirror and a bed.I bet you were going to feel frustrated and bored.The need to do something was going to drive you insane.But why don’t you utilize that peaceful time for self-reflection or self introspection.It’s like we are so afraid of ourselves.We feel better if we are consumed with various activities.The thought of being alone,doing nothing and staring at our own reflection on the mirror is taken over by fear.We are so afraid to deeply search within ourselves our inner being because we have this assumption that the past is dead.It is not healthy to dig deeper because we are so afraid to open old wounds.I agree that we all have repressed some of ourĀ  past memories for various reasons but psychologically repression is not healthy.How can we conquer our fears if we don’t get in touch with the very first stimuli which made us to be fearful in the first place.Recently I have taken a conscious decision which is setting up a date with myself.During the date,I’m going to do nothing and I am going to walk away from being conscious of my environment and dig deeper to my inner self.I can actually hear my inner self screaming for help.I have been avoiding her for such a long time and I believe that if I listen to her more.I will find inner peace.Its not a crime to fulfill your inner self wishes but don’t be hard on yourself if you do not reach the highest level of peacefulness.Oh yes….you are going to feel all sort of emotions when you make a date with yourself.its okay if you wanna cry,scream or jump around but try doing breathing exercises and remember you are in charge of yourself.

Love

Maditjhaba

one of those days….

All the excitement had faded away,
Yesterday laughter had become todays pain,
everything has changed.
The load on my shoulders its too heavy to carry,
the pain is too much to bear,
Oh God help me to get by to just another day.
I am going through stuff,
The dark cloud hanging over me is sunking me dry,
Leaving me in coldness,
Everything looks darker…I am losing it.
I am my own stranger,
I feel so detached with myself
I don’t recognise my own reflection on the mirror,
I am suffocating in my own skin…
I wanna scream and let go off the heat that I feel inside
I can’t stand the burning agony that tears me apart each day
i got nothing to bargain with…
I am only breathing the air of despair.
I am left with nothing to share.
All I am left with is the darkest shadow that follows me
I can’t stand its presence.
This life had taken everything
my pride,my love,my happiness.
All I can hear is the echos of my emptiness.
Oh Lord I am lost
Every step I take feel like I am walking backwards.
I wanna cry but I do not have the strength to do it anymore
I feel numb,comfused,out of place
I feel like a living statue.