Sleepless City

A flux of people going up about the street,
leaving behind the warmth of their bed sheet
searching for opportunities that will make their dream real,
feeling reluctant to standstill
something needs to be done,
a mission to complete.
Pave their way to reach the highest level of the ladder,
though the body is exhausted to carry one
but the soul feel oblige to achieve the goal of their misery
the fruit of their labour doesn’t come cheap,
it pays the bill,
working endlessly is a promise they willing to keep
the sweetest results of their action shall help them feed their hunger filled with greed.
They carry on like a strong human living machine,
Ensuring that they get everything they need.
They bow down to the same KING
A king which suck them dry their last penny,
Giving them false hope to salvation.
A drug given to increase their devastation,
A price paid for their misconception
A decision made with false information.

Random thoughts

Sitting on the bench of my fears,
looking at open spaces filled with memories,
An unforgettable song keeping my mind occupied,
A smile from a stranger being observed from a distance,
loved ones holding each others hands to sustain their reunion.
suddenly a scent which lingers through the air triggers the mind,
making you believe that somethings don’t just fall behind,
they forever follow you like your own shadow,
constantly asking yourself whether the curse will carry on even tomorrow,
surely you’ve mistaken reality with fantasy,
repressed emotions don’t hide themselves for too long…
they get tired and the water from the bottle start spilling
you are forced to start talking.
taking a journey through memory lane,
trying to make sense with everything around you.
feeling so overwhelmed,suffocated by your own ignorance,
you need help….
yet you are too proud…
Your confusion keep you asleep like a lullaby
giving you nightmares that are made up of candies,
then you wake up in unfamiliar place
wondering how you got there…
then you remember,it was just a dream…
a dream which felt so real,
a dream which needs to be dealt with sooner.

I am Afraid

Afraid to look deep in your eyes
searching for the truth I do not want to hear
exposing,ripping and leaving my soul bare
a task left unattended to try and forget
leaving an intense feeling locked inside
taking away the peacefulness of nature
A melody that will always echo
making you lose control of yourself
A curse overshadows your judgement
fighting temptations
but deep you know that whatever you feel is beyond
your control….slowly fading the memories into the darkness
making me vulnerable,fragile and together we will shine
like diamonds as we dine under the stars
I don’t know whether this will last forever
you got a funny way to show me how you feel
teasing me and playing with my emotions
although I like it…I would like to know where I stand with you.
Tell me if you enjoy being a guest in my house
or you want to be my dearest friend.
I am afraid of what I will do with you
You just know how to control me unconsciously
making me think as if you are a necessity
What do you really want from me?
I gave you my all…why are you not responding
I guess you are feeling afraid like me.

New start

Choices taken,
Tears have fallen,
Words have been spoken
hearts have been broken.
The betrayer is forgiven.
The long lost memories remembered
Till we meet again,
our path intersected
you became a lesson learned.
I hate you for teaching me to love,
the prophecies of unknown places
floating above the seas
reminding us of the pain we have experienced
A heartache that leave the soul with anger
yet the desire to feel you close burns me up until I surrender.
Ignorance became the cure of my confusion
I slept motionless listening to my screaming heart
Wanting something beyond my strength
I am tired of fighting…
this battle isn’t mine.
This is my new start…forgive me if I leave you behind.

silence

Your silence is a killer,
giving me traumatic memories,
A gun pointed right through my head
sending electrified messages through my body.
leaving me feeling scared,terrified,confused
unsure about the actual message…
yet I enjoyed the intensity brought by it.
though you wish to contain me,
put me in my place,
really where do I belong.
This led me to believe that I am asking for too much.
This became a mission beyond your capacity
though the heart kept longing for more
left me begging…
since I’m down on my bended knees.
listen to the request,do something about it.
Your silence gives a heart felt melody only heard by me,
If you fail to meet my standard
you are free to live…close the door behind you.
let me be…
I just can’t deal with all your nonsense
I got business to run…
You’ve just shown me that you cannot survive in this industry,
there is a lot you need to learn…
get your facts straight.
don’t get your mind twisted.

I know nothing about love

The mind is never silent,
Birds are always singing,flying through the sky
Problems keep coming on my way,
But I am not complaining.
I’m just glad that the sun is shinning through my window
The house is being built with love,courage,giving me the strength to carry on.
No one knows where I am…
I am right here hiding inside the closet
fighting this demon that has been torturing me since I was a little girl.
Screaming so loudly when the world is busy doing their won things,
making so much noise
Hoping,wishing to find my inner peace.
Doubts being buried inside my mind.
Trying to figure out how could I escape from this shell I’ve put myself in.
As I listen to the music made by our beating heart,
Hands touching,exploring,breathing heavily,waiting for the right time to explode
The bomb which is hidden inside ours hearts.
Will forever remind us of our fears,flaws,mistakes,misunderstanding we had in the past.
Our alter ego trying to break us apart,
looking at the beautiful stars I see through your eyes.
You promised…
You promised that you’ll help me understand the true meaning of love,
but then…I didn’t come at the right time,I was not ready to love anyone,
I’m trapped in my past
my past forbidden me to see the light,
I have closed the door which leads to vulnerability,softness,fragility caused by a man.
I’ve learnt my lesson through tough love.
Please do not judge me baby…
I am only human.
I am searching for ME
I don’t expect you to understand me,
All I want you to do, is to accept me as I am,
When you choose to take me to be part of your life,
Always remember you are taking along my baggage,
I know nothing about true love
but I am prepared to learn
Just listen…don’t listen with your ears only
listen with your heart.

I am a mess

Doing no good when I put myself in a standard
Limitations are the source of dissatisfaction,
Putting myself in little boxes
When the world begins to exercise their comparison games,
with hate…
The heart is troubled, making the migraine unbearable,
imprison my free-spirited inner self
Showing the society what they ought to see.
Never saw a prophet whose younger like me.
painting pictures with words,
dying inside becomes a tendency.
Being late to realize that the truth shall set us free.
Experts establish an emotional connection
making the world believe they’ve got all the answers.
being pushed away,lost count of the battles I’ve fought in my lifetime.
Telling another woman’s son that I cannot live without.
In the meanwhile I’m holding the keys to the house.
He always been a guest.
Gave him everything, fulfilled his requests.
never realized,I was wasting time,
trying to please a heart of another man,
mine tormented with self hatred,confusion stood on my way.
Told him to get out while his scent chose to stay.
Feeling tempted to give him a call,
Realized he doesn’t deserve it.
Let silence be his keeper,
help him to grow, make up his mind
know what he wants.
I’m a mes like him
My troubles are keeping me restless.
NO matter how long it will take me
I shall rise above this bitterness.

Searching for the truth

Letting myself to drift in my deepest thoughts,
Looking at the pictures painted in front of me,
remembering the time wasted searching for the truth,
Admitting that I was a fool for letting you back into my life.
letting you to be part of the jury.
Being punished for the mistakes I didn’t do intentionally.
yet I held myself responsible,
hoping that’s a solution for your inner troubles.
No longer keen to find justice
I’m taking all the blame,
The pain I feel is just the same,
Nothing you can say or do that can change.
For I was giving you the freedom your deserve,
You’ve decided to take more than your bargain for…
If I was born from royalty,I would call you My Lord.
pain and suffering you brought in my life made me stronger.
I gave you all the power to dictate me
you might as well close the door behind you.
I may be seen useless through your eyes
I still have my soul to live for…
I owe that to myself.
Searching for the truth will leave my soul unsatisfied
therefore this time I’m searching for myself
I’m not trying to be selfish
but I need to take this journey so that peace would shine through my life.

Mixed emotions

I am troubled by the sudden intense feeling
which makes me long to be by your side,
walk with you, honouring the beauty of the butterflies.
Surely you know how to make me lose myself
yet everyday I affirm to the world that I understand what’s happening…
I sit alone in this chaotic place
Looking at my thoughts running through my mind
like a river flowing through the ocean
seeking for a place to sleep as it always been homeless.
I search hard for what it seems hard to perceive
though the image of your face chose to be right there next to me.
I do not understand how the birds sings
yet I find myself indulging in their extraodinary melody.
Now I understand the impact you had on me,
It is not a disease but an addiction I don’t want to recover from…
Each day you write a new chapter in my heart
making me understand the true meaning of loving and being loved.
This time I want to feel your warm embrace,
hear your voice talking softly in my ears
feel your hands touching every part of my body
releasing the tension from my shoulders down to my spine.
Yesterday our cellphone conversation left me with uncertainty
which gives me a hard time to decide whether this is what I want
because everything feels like a dream
giving me doubtful thoughts of it being real
But I believe every word you said….
Fighting real emotions I have for you
would be like an actor playing a deceiving role.
although I try to deny it
you stil find a way to seduce me,
get me crawling on my knees,
Begging you to unleash the potential that lies inside me.
Someday I will forget your name
but its gonna be hard to forget the memories we’ve made.
Till we meet again.

Fire Burning

Music playing on the back ground,
Thoughts being caught up around unfamiliar places,
Silent night, dare to dream.
Failing to understand the feelings locked inside me.
Suddenly realized that I long for him more than ever.
Our last conversation did not end very well,
Left me with mixed emotions I cannot explain,
His phone call left me unsatisfied,
Our memories wrapped me up with sweet sour emotions,
though I hate it when we start to fighting
In darkness he still finds me.
He’d never felt weary to entertain me till dawn,
He felt guilty even if I was wrong
hr knows how to keep the fire burning inside me.