The urgency to knock on doors that are already closed
Hearing the wall clock ticking; telling you that time is the essence
Stood face to face with a shadow that haunted you since childhood
A dreadful nightmare constantly troubling you even after therapy.
Running deeper unto dreadful childhood memory
A familiar smell triggers your psyche
You just can’t stop yourself from going right back there.
Why are you so afraid?
You were not coerced to relive that nightmare,
You took a pledge and there is nothing liberating than facing your deepest fear.
Vulnerability remains to be the antidote that will save you
Challenge yourself even further
Study all those grey areas in your life.
Seek the serenity you have lost
Chaos and regrets pushes you further into the darkness.
Forgive yourself and dare to dream; to reach the core of your soul.
I have left my doors open.
Cold wind sneaking in like a mice.
Carrying the gift of peace and distraction.
I have forgotten your warm embrace
Your charming smile.
You are just a faceless beast
Consumed with an appetite of my blood.
He carved his claws on my flesh
Awakening the deep sited desire of my fantasies.
Captivated by his luring spell
Fabricated underneath the sheet of deception.
Your pleasant scent that lingers through the room
Slowly fades away when you go back to live your other life.
Don’t beg me to conceal all the scars you have left on my skin.
There are sacred portrayals of our moments
An omen of what is meant to be….
In this particular love and war union.
I chose to love you with all your imperfections.
Behind closed doors…pleasure escalates to the peak
We indulge in cardiovascular activities.
Body sweating…heated bodies.
Commanding us to submit to the language of motion
Enslaved with deep darkest longings.
We danced to our own music
Sadly our wildest dream carries the burden of the past
Disguising the present with lies
Denying that the dark shadow of our bitter sweet secrets will haunt us in the future.
There’s an adventure to be explored,
Traveling through spaces which are bigger than I thought
The density of euphoria echoing within the confined spaces of my heart,
Singing a lonely song which reminds her of the love she felt for him,
The stars which suppose to drew her closer to the truth were no more
Vanished like a lost treasure,
Deserted her, seeking refuge in lonely-lifeless places
Faith helped her navigate
Finding a lighthouse felt like a far-fetched dream
In constant war with the self and the ideal self
Submitting to conflicts of the heart and what it desires
Sharing a bed with a beast which bites her vigorously
Looking for a place to hide
Leaving behind his scent that lingers through the atmosphere like a newly brewed coffee
The beast violently pulls the strings of an acoustic guitar to play a melody only understood by us
Perplexed by its lyrical content
Yet it makes us to dance till dawn
His flamboyant kindness becomes my escapism
The quarrel between the darkness and the light left me with an addiction
Addiction of hostile vengeance and interior motives
Which safeguard my heart from dangerously falling in love with him
The power to decide makes her feel at ease
She can decide either to give life or to kill.
Stand accused within the strangeness of my own skin,
Inflicted with troubling thought that sought to kill the sedate feeling locked inside,
Addicted to a pill that takes away my patience,
Standing in the pathway, waiting to attack the beast with sweet love pretence,
The pill sedate my soul with hostility
I stand accused in the middle of nowhere…
Locked within the iron cage with the pain I cannot bear,
Rest easy upon the realness of my scars hidden, trapped inside my heart.
He assume that I am fine with everything
His presence makes me cold and bitter,
He is playing a dangerous game with the devil
Though he is a God fearing man
Hope that his prayers protect his soul because he failed to honour his part of the deal,
The strangeness of my own being soothe the guilt trip which burden my serenity with heartache,
Voices that echoes within the night intend to keep me restless,
He carry on with his mission…attacking when I am vulnerable
Torturing my innocence with hostility.
Hatred is his closet friend
He is brutalised with pretence
Do you realised the damage you have done
You have sucked my free spirited soul so dry
Left me in the dark,
Battered with empty words
Felt useless and distance from reality.
His abiding indifference will help him find peace in his grave of infidelities
He claims he knows what I really need
Then again he is just a reckless player in a chess game
He allows his opponent to learn his next move,
He is foolish…its absurd to think that he can ne moral
Let his shortcomings flourish and comfort him through his unknown journey.
I stand accused of the crime I didn’t commit
Gave a defence which is entrenched with the truthfulness of his dealings
Yet the fear of challenging him scares me
Someone will get hurt when I start unpacking his luggage of secrecy
His true nature will remain unknown because I chose to die with his secrets
Let him get judged by his own God…not me
When silence comes crawling in our lives
A repressed memory is relocated within our present thoughts.
Words that never been said comes out sharply like a razor blade
An unforgettable picture becomes a constant reminder of our failure to succumb our differences.
Failue to embrace the naked truth hidden deeply in our hearts.
Build up a wall of ignorance between us
We treat each other likes strangers.
How can we let the beast to tear us apart,
Carry on with our live like nothing happened.
Left with no reason.
Allowed our lives to be dictated by changing seasons.
I cannot let things be…I can let go without a fight.
We can get through this melachony that torture us through the night.
Just give me a chance to make things right.
I just meed time to remove the beast from my sight,
One day we can dance under moonlight
Paint colourful memories through the night
Write your name amongst the stars
Make you mine.HOld you tight in my arms.
Promise you to be by your side
No matter how hard it can be…because I LOVE YOU.
All the excitement had faded away,
Yesterday laughter had become todays pain,
everything has changed.
The load on my shoulders its too heavy to carry,
the pain is too much to bear,
Oh God help me to get by to just another day.
I am going through stuff,
The dark cloud hanging over me is sunking me dry,
Leaving me in coldness,
Everything looks darker…I am losing it.
I am my own stranger,
I feel so detached with myself
I don’t recognise my own reflection on the mirror,
I am suffocating in my own skin…
I wanna scream and let go off the heat that I feel inside
I can’t stand the burning agony that tears me apart each day
i got nothing to bargain with…
I am only breathing the air of despair.
I am left with nothing to share.
All I am left with is the darkest shadow that follows me
I can’t stand its presence.
This life had taken everything
my pride,my love,my happiness.
All I can hear is the echos of my emptiness.
Oh Lord I am lost
Every step I take feel like I am walking backwards.
I wanna cry but I do not have the strength to do it anymore
I feel numb,comfused,out of place
I feel like a living statue.
Thank you for making me feel so alive,
remembering the agonizing thoughts of yesterday,
teaching me to embrace all the shortcomings that comes with life,
Everything I thought I knew about you it had faded away like a repressed thought,
You had become an unattended event of the past,
Shared a rehearsed conversation to hide our true feelings,
our superficial fronts follows us like haunted ghost
wrapped with unbearable desires
yet we shut ourselves out of the lustful cocoons
memories we have created are not forgetful dreams
Only if I can hear the liberating melody of my beating heart,
I will understand the message from that one last kiss you gave me
interwoven with good farewells,
promising all the best for the lonely journey we chose to embark…
A kiss which imprint my soul with forbidden pleasures,
slowly evoking the wickedness that lies behind those eyes of yours,
Sinful pleasures that promise to quench my thirst for love,
searching for the truth inside your lies,
tension caving in, building a wall between us.
making us known strangers
exiled by our egos,
Seeking new ways to heal the pain
Your silence overflows with profound revelations.
Now I truly understand why you were part of my past not my future,
you were an obstacle which deprived me to reach my full potential.
BUT NOW I HAVE LET YOU GO
I am more than happy
I am free….
Can the past predetermine the future?
Why is the past keep recurring in the present?
Thoughts I’ve made peace with everything,
A single memory can exhume the wrath which is woven with worrisome feelings,
The monster always look for ways to put us on edge
superficially torture our souls with rage
forces us to alienate ourselves from reality
putting us in an utopian cage
filter our lives with great pain
then make us to become slaves within our own skins
Penetrating its sweet vengeance through our wild cravings for ecstacies.
Promising to put the mind at ease
surely the process of forgiving is never easy.
Finding the root of our anger requires time
The rise of conflict imprison us with doubts,
Slowly undressing our ego,leaving our bare soul tto experience the coldness of melancholy which is trapped within our unconscious mind.
Instead of moving forward, we feel like we are turning backwards.
Moving back in time of cruelty
What do we do to deal with this destruction?
Clotting our purest thoughts wuth confusion
One day we shall conquer the evil notives of this monster.
Its power is depended on us
Saturated with false implications.
then we are powerful beings, we can break the walls which stop us from enjoying life to the fullest.