Birds cannot be caged for too long. They need to engage with the outside world for survival purposes. They have wings. Therefore, wings gives them the reason to fly. I know that some of you would argue that some birds don’t fly. It is worth noting that this piece of narration only consider the birds which can only fly. Flying is part of their DNA, they cannot deny the gift they have been given by God. Flying is their unique identity and it is part of their reality. I wish I was a bird. I just want to fly freely through the air, allow the air to fill my lungs, look at the world from above, appreciate the view from the upper glimpse and just get a different view for a change but I guess I cannot be a bird, I am only just a human being. Pulled down by the force of gravity and seeing the world around me from the below angle. Lately; no…..for so long I have been feeling like a caged bird. Locked around steel bars and seeing only what is placed in front of me. I couldn’t see what lies beyond the sun rays lighting up my room during the day, I couldn’t feel the chilly breeze of the late afternoon and I couldn’t see the face of the person who had placed me behind these bars. The only memory I have of him, is his scent which covered the room during feeding hours and the shadow which quickly faded through the walls during the night. I remained blinded for years. Until I decided to push myself, challenge myself even further by actually studying the unknown shadow which kept visiting me. I allowed change to torture me. As painful as it feels; I began to be actively involved in the activities happening around me. I absorbed everything and also questioned everything. This decision led me to discover so many things. Things which remained hidden for such a long time. The revelation began when I looked at my own reflection on the mirror and asked myself one question: IS IT WORTH IT? Time and time again I tried convincing
myself that the discovery journey will be less painful and remorseful if I push myself harder. Again, all of this could end if I get my freedom. I realised that I needed to break free from the cage I have been held in. This could only be achieved if I opened old wounds, revisit past memories and open doors that have been locked for such a long time. Therefore, I approached the shadow which haunted me for years. I kindly asked him to let me go, to give me the keys. Ohh hell yeah…. He was surprised that now I have the confidence to ask him because he believed that he owned me like some kind of private property. I wouldn’t survive without him but he was wrong. He didn’t know the real me so he tossed the keys to the floor, I unlocked myself out. Then I was free. You would assume that I was happy to finally get my freedom. Honestly I was happy until I found out that there’s a price to pay after I got my freedom.
I will tell you about it…someday.
This love continue to burn us,
leave us with scars that becomes only visible when we are away from other people.
We won’t stop until the grave summon us back to the truth.
The truth is…
I have loved you to forget my own demons and to forget the name that taught me to conceal my pain with dead things.
I have grown tired of inconvenient love.
The love which comes with terms and conditions.
Love that show up when boredom strikes,
Love associated with physical desire and greed.
Love that comes unannounced.
Love that requires rescuing from its own brokenness.
Love that embodies expectations every time one experiences a downfall.
Love that keeps on taking, taking without showing any gratitude.
I AM DONE.
I am done being a fool for mere infatuations.
I want to feel and experience genuine love.
I really want the real deal.
This half baked, medium rare or slightly salty cooked meals are no longer part of my palate.
I wont apologize for being selfish,
I won’t apologize for speaking my mind.
I won’t apologize for safeguarding my heart and peace of mind.
I am done.
I love myself too much to make myself available for mediocre love.
Yeah let that sink in… 😉
How do you recover from the heartache of the people who loved you wrongly,
The pain they have left makes you realize how gullible you can be
You have been under their incongruent mercy for such a long time
Take whatever is left of you.
Don’t be afraid to start again,
Accept the changing season as a guideline to navigate through life.
Sometimes we forget to just be grateful for the rain, the sunny day or the windy weather.
Everything happens for a reason.
It feels great to add this newest member on my bookshelf. All thanks to http://www.kulturekool.wordpress.com for choosing me. I’m so glad I won.
Vulnerability is a new kind of sexy.